Why You're Wrong About the Beach

Let me paint you a picture. You're laying on a peaceful, sandy beach with waves crashing in the distance. The sun soaking you in its warmth while a cool breeze gently hits your side.

Now let me paint you a different picture. You stand up from the sand and guess what? The sand comes right up with you. Sticking all the way up your thighs and torso. The sun is now beating down on you, creating a thin layer of sweat across your entire body which in turn only causes the sand to stick more, refusing to leave your skin.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of the beach and summer in general is amazing. However, here's why that's absolutely wrong.

1. Sand.

   From the intro you can probably guess where this is going. Sure, it's pretty in pictures and warm against your feet. But it takes approximately .2 seconds for the novelty of these little devil grains to wear off. After walking two steps without your shoes on the beach, your feet start burning. You may think this can be easily solved by just simply putting your shoes back on, but you'd be sorely mistaken. By now it's too late and the sand has already infiltrated your feet and shoe soles making the rest of the hike just as miserable as the first two steps. As if it couldn't get worse, the sand never leaves for the entirety of the time there either. It stays with you even long after leaving the beach. Nice little reminder of it's annoyingness.

2. Tan.

   This one might simply be a me problem and I completely accept that. However, this is my hot take, so I think it deserves a bullet point all its own. I always get my hopes up about the idea of a nice tan in the summer. I think it's some sort of cruel joke I end up playing on myself every year. If your unfamiliar with my appearance, I unfortunately happen to be one of the palest people I know, and with this comes a nice layer of lobster red any time the sun touches my skin. Technically this isn't the beach's fault, but the association is too strong not to mention.

3. Heat

   Now there's the issue of temperature. When it's cold, there's the simple solution of adding another layer to warm you up. When the time comes to go indoors, you quickly warm up and you can easily pop off a jacket or two and that's the end of it. When it's hot, on the other hand, this becomes a much more strenuous activity. There's only so much you can do in the cooling down department. You can only strip down so much before it reaches unacceptable and not like it would do much anyway. At that point you're already so sweaty that once you go indoors to cool off, you've become a gross mess. When it's cold there's no repercussion for going outside other than a slight frost-nip on your nose.

4. Outfits

   Lastly, I wanted to bring up the versatility of winter outfits. In the summer, what you can wear Is limited to how hot you'll be when you step outside. In the winter, the possibilities are endless. Layers allow for an infinite number of outfit combinations. Step outside and you're too cold? Pop on another jacket. Too hot inside? Take some layers off. Winter fashion is elite, and I don't think I need to explain further.

I think this opinion is probably the hottest take yet on this page, but also the most accurate. The beach is only enjoyable in theory, and I stand by it. I think I'll move to the mountains...